i have a NEW xanga

"iMURANNiEMAL"

after reading vee's journal, and reading the news on cnn.com i was inspired to write an actual journal-type entry instead of recapping my day.

IMPORTANT: don't read if you don't care. it's boring, mushy, emo, and involves the news. don't think i'm weird.

i know that everyone has heard that everything on the news is BAD news. there's rarely any mention of good news. i heard that so many times before, but i never THOUGHT about it. it's so depressing that there's so many fucked up people in this world.

one article on CNN.com was about a man who was nearly beaten to death by a group of about 15 kids. what was their motive? ....he honked at them and pissed them off. i know that there's people with bad tempers (such as myself), but to take it as far as to nearly beat someone to death...that just makes me think about what kind of world we're living in. to not give a fuck about what you do to someone else...it's scary.

another article was about how people who fled from Hurricane Katrina were sex offenders, and now states that took in the Katrina refugees are being asked to search for about 2,000 of them. it was also mentioned how they are much more likely to offend again since they aren't being watched. with all the problems going on in this world...there's still some people out there who are willing to ruin someone elses' life by sexually abusing them.

i feel like everything in the world is going down hill from here. i PRAY TO GOD that 2006 will bring better things. more GOOD stories on the news. more GOOD deeds. more GOOD people. i may sound pessimistic or whatever, but it's hard NOT TO BE when all i hear is bad news. i admit i'm not a huge help in making the world a better place, and i admit that it MAY seem like im whining about what's happening in the world, BUT isn't the first step awareness? 

about MY 2005:

the beginning of 2005 was the middle of my junior year. i JUST got my license like 15 days before 2005. i got into my first car accident (sorry, anna hahahaha). i had more freedom. i started travelling a lot (within the bay area..HAHAHA)

i went to caritas! as a cabin leader. met some kids who made me realize jpw to live. they're so carefree, but so aware of every detail. i just realized it right NOW. they don't care about what they do unless it makes them happy, BUT they're so aware of how every single thing affects them. they don't have problems like i do. (that made me sound psycho...im not. i swear). kids are cool. i rather not take care of them though.

spring break was crazy. met soooooo sooo many people. albertsons was the crackin spot those days. i burned wayyyyyyyyyy too much throughout all of 2005. hella people driving my car!

junior prom! cool. funny times.

summer was funnnnn. LA WITH VEE, TARA, AND ALYSSA!!!!!!!!!!  probably one of the greatest highlights of 2005. i felt like a kid all over again. i spent time with some bitches i love with all of my heart. i even like the driving. hella fun.

the session with tara, vee, lyss, and darren. BUTTERFLY EFFECT. ice cream. cool couches. rolling 101. creepy lights. toooo hot in there.

tara and anna's birthday. the most money i have ever spent for ONE night. supperrrr fun that night. hella crazyy though. super crackin! a night i will NOT forget.tara's house after HC. TOO fun that night.

my first "time out" session with anhthu, norrie, and raizza. oh hell. hellllla fun.

halloween when helllllaaa folks rolled thru to my house. i didn't even plan anything like that for that night.

CROSS COUNTRY! i never thought i would EVER join. i never thought i would like it. i never thought i would become best friends with the people i became best friends with. i love the varsity guys. i love the coaches. i love running (...only during XC). i never thought that running could bring out so much passion from me. i felt completely accomplished once the season was over. i tried something out and it felt really good. the people on the team were TOO fuckin tight. they were complete natural highs for me. i'll always love them. <3

when school started..it was crazy. im frikken HALF WAY DONE. hellllla weird. 5 more months and im out of there. SATs were annoying. ACTs were annoying. took WAYYYY too many tests. senior year is actually kinda hard for me.

friends. i reunited with friends. made friends. lost touch with friends. and kept my best friends <3 i made HELLA friends in 2005. i may not kick it with them all the time, but it just adds more people that i can smile to and feel excited to see, yenno?

my family is TOO good to me. i give them so much attitude, but they love me still. im a psycho bitch, but they find some way to deal with me. my parents gave me so much freedom this year. they know how to slowly let me grow, and i appreciate it. i'm glad they understand that i need a social life. i'm sorry for taking them for granted sometimes. i know FOR SURE i could not live without them either. not jsut because of what they give to me, but because i fuckin love them. so much. even tho i dont show it. my sister is a weirdo. i saw her grow up a lot this year...she's older than me, but let me explain. she has a fuckin CAREER now. she's a nurse making as much bank as my mom. she takes care of herself more. she's starting to pay for stuff herself. it's weird...it's like watching her grow from a crazy ass party girl to a crazy ass party girl PLUS being a nurse. i'm proud of that bitch...even though she annoys the shit out of me sometimes. and we even cuss each other out ALLLLLLL the time.

2005 was fuckin tight. i don't regret anything either. (like Vee). i know there are things that i COULD HAVE done to put myself to a better position (like for school stuff...), such as studying harder, CARING more, etc. BUT...i love my life right now. i feel like i have a good balance of school and a social life. i love who i am. i love who i know. i love the people i don't know. i love everything that has happened to me. i love how everything has shaped me to who i am RIGHT NOW. thank God for blessing me with everything. i have sooo much more than i actually deserve. i have so much more than i NEED. i take it for granted, but i'm honestly so appreciative. i'm glad that i'm blessed enough to not be in the position of having to worry about money, worrying about where i would sleep, etc. thank you, God.

i'm ready for another year of FUCKIN CRAZY ass shit. =)

last night was suppppeeeeeeeeeerr fun. stef got me. we got to glens heeze. alyssa met us up over there. thennnn the party started first with me, glen, stef, and one other person who i cannot remember right now. then vee and tara came..then finally norrie and anhthu.the bottle was a hitter. we were all screaming. we still had one more to go! i was feeding everyone. straight bartendin that shit. i fed people i didnt know. i wasnt listening to what people were telling me when i was dancing HAHAHA. i kept threatening my friends with my chest. no one would turn on the tv. i was dancing for dayyyyssss. i stole will's stuff hellllllllllaaa times. my girls are hella funny. =)

overall. i had fun.

i often post shit that i like to remember. so dont think im getting hella mushy on you bitches. i jacked this from some random girl's myspace blog thingy.

Infatuation is instant desire, one set of glands calling to another.

Love is friendship that has caught fire. It takes root and grows, one day at a time.

Infatuation is marked by a feeling of insecurity. You are excited and eager, but not genuinely happy. There are nagging doubts, unanswered questions, little bits pieces about your beloved that you would just as soon examine too closely, it might spoil the dream.

Love is the quiet understanding and mature acceptance of imperfection. It is real. It gives you strength and grows beyond you, to bolster your beloved. You are warmed by his presence, even when he is away. Miles do not separate you. You want him near. But near or far, you know he is yours and you can wait.

Infatuation says, "We must get married right away. I can't risk losing him."

Love says, "Be patient. He is yours. Plan your future with confidence."

Infatuation has an element of sexual excitement. Whenever you are in one another's company you are hoping it will end in intimacy.

Love is the maturation of friendship. You must be friends before you can be lovers.

Infatuation lacks confidence. When he's away, you wonder if he's cheating and sometimes you check. 

Love means trust. You are calm, secure, and unthreatened. He feels your trust and it makes him even more trustworthy.

Infatuation might lead you to do things you'll regret later, but love never will.

Love lifts you up. It makes you look up. It makes you think up. It makes you a better person than you were before.

it was so hard to wake up this morning. so it was just me and tara at valleyfair. took helllllllllllaaa days to find parking. we werent satisfied with our shopping today though. i didnt even buy that much stuff. that was whack. then we stood in line for like a billion years to get food. then we searched far and wide for where the fuck we parked. we got confused.

i went home and watched oprah cause michael jordan and charles barkley was on it. it was a funny episode. then i watched maury. then i went to my cousins house where we watched Four Brothers. the movie was...good, but then bad at the same time. it had a bad sequence of events. it was too odd. the story went by too fast. hella twists in it though. i liked it, but i understand why people wouldn't like it. yeahhh. i tried watching eternal sunshine of the spotless mind cause i heard it was a hella good movie, but i dont think i was in the mood to watch it. it wasnt appealing to me. it was actually boring.

EDiT//

me, vee, michael, and tara went bowling at cloverleaf at like 11. then darren and alyssa met up with us and bowled a game. we left there, then we went to eat and then blah blah blah